Thursday, October 19, 2006
Moving Day...

Hey kids, boxcar astronaut has moved on to a new host. Click Here to see the new digs!

Posted at 04:00 pm by TheCarter
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Sunday, October 15, 2006
The Big Day

The Big Day

So, yesterday was the big day. My best friend the Madfrog tied the knot with his beautiful bride, Stephanie. I was so proud and honored to be able to serve as their Best Man, and the day could not have been better. Everything was absolutely perfect. The Autumn sky above was, crystal clear, with just the right amount of Fall crispness. The ceremony was beautiful, and went very smoothly. I didn't even lose the rings!

The reception afterwards was also wonderful. Everything from the decorations to the food was flawless. My Best Man toast also went off without a hitch (no stuttering, rambling, or talking too fast). I did a little dancing, caught the garter, and enjoyed the company of family and friends. Despite my minor health issues bothering me, I can't remember the last time I had such a great day.

To Marc & Steph, congratulations once again. Have a great life together!

Here's a so-so pic of me in my Penguin suit, in case you were curious.

Dapper, no?

Posted at 05:22 pm by TheCarter
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Somebody Just Won Some Money In A Betting Pool...

In life, there are things that occur with absolute certainity...things that you can set your watch to. Me losing yet another job is one of those things. Yep, I'm sorry to report that my latest work assignment for the staffing service has come to an end after two months. It was supposed to last until December, but in the corporate world, things can change faster than Clark Kent in a phone booth. Okay, that was a really awful analogy, but you get the idea. *sigh*

My constant inability to sustain any semblance of a steady income for more than three months at a time has really, (let's hold no punches here), fucked up my life beyond belief. It has caused me to run away from people I love, and  it's cost me other possible relationships. It's affected nearly every aspect of my life, and I'm just so sick and tired of it all.

I have no one to blame but myself, though. I never found anything that I really liked to do. I also never really tried hard enough to get ahead when  was given a chance at something that didn't really interest me. I simply can't find it within myself to do something that makes me unhappy.

Now, some folks would say that's a brave, admirable approach to life, sticking to your true feelings like that. Those people, however, fall into two distinct categories 1) People who are alone and constantly broke, or 2) Lucky bastards who inherited millions of dollars and have all the time in the world to sit around and wax philosophical.

Everybody else in the world just thinks that attitude is stupid and irresponsible, and they say things like, "Take whatever you can get", "Nobody likes work, it's work, but you have to do it anyway", "Suck it up", or  "Get a job, loser".  Guess who I  usually end up listening to?

Ah, I don't know. Here I am, starting over again, re-writing my resume, hoping that I'll do something right this time. Wish me luck, because I need some.

Posted at 04:41 pm by TheCarter
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Monday, October 09, 2006

Hi everybody. Miss me? Yeah, sorry about that. Things have been rough for me lately and I just haven't felt much like blogging at all. That having been said, there's a lot going on for me this month, namely serving as the Best Man for my good buddy the Madfrog's wedding this Saturday. It's amazing that a year of planning has passed by so frighteningly quick and the day has finally arrived. I can't wait to get my Penguin suit on and see these two crazy kids tie the knot. I'm going to get all verklempt...I just know it.

There's also Halloween to think about. There's a big  Halloween-themed Jack-n-Jill party that weekend for yet another one of my friends who decided to get hitched, so I'm going to have come up with a costume and hell, maybe even a date (ok, ok, you can stop laughing now. Jerks).

Yes kids, Autumn is here, the air is crisp, the leaves are falling, and I hate my job with the burning passion of a thousand firey suns. You ever hear that old saying, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well, I'm living proof of that. I wanted a job at this particular Financial Institiution for five years, and now that I finally have my foot in the door, I've realized that I absolutely loathe everything about the joint. I need to start looking for something else A.S.A.P., and it has to be something completely different than any job that I've ever had. Any suggestions?

So, that's my month. Hope everybody is doing well and enjoying the Fall. Go out and carve a pumpkin for me.

Posted at 07:19 pm by TheCarter
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Monday, September 04, 2006
R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter

Well damn, Steve Irwin is dead. Apparently he was swimming with some Stingrays and one of them put its' barbed tail right through the ol' Crocodile Hunter's heart. Cripes, what a way to go.

Strange though, isn't it? I mean, the guy filmed thousands upon thousands of hours of footage of himself literally slapping deadly Cobras in the face and straddling massive, man-eating Crocodiles around the world, only to be done in by something that floats around on the bottom of the sea and looks about as threatening as that toothless 25-year-old cat your old lady neighbor has next door. Crazy. I suppose that if you tempt fate long enough, it'll eventually bite you in the ass pretty hard.

I'll always have fond memories of Mr. Irwin, though. Back in 1999-2000 when he really started getting worldwide recognition for his insane animal antics, I was head-over-heels for this girl who went to college with me. it was really tough to make her laugh, but she cracked up whenever I did my "Crocodile Hunter" impression. I also spoofed  him on my college radio show in a bit called "Steve Irwin, Animal Humper", the premise being that Steve decided to have sex with wild animals rather than just antagonize them. High concept hilarity, I know.

Anyway, farewell Steve. We hardly knew ye. Thankfully, you'll live on in reruns and I won't have to get my deadly creature fix from that jackass Jeff Corwin.


Posted at 08:13 pm by TheCarter
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Sunday, August 27, 2006
Jack-n-Jill: The Aftermath

The massive undertaking that was my best friend's Jack-n-Jill party has come to end, and I am wiped out from it. You know, it's funny...back in March when we booked this event at a giant outdoor pavillion, I don't recall hoping and praying for the absolute coldest, rainiest, most miserable August day in the history of New England, but that's certainly what I got. It was just unbelievably damp and chilly for this time of year. I  mean, ridiculously so. It sucked. Hard.

Yet, despite the adverisity thrown at us by the Gods, the party went on and it was a pretty big success, socially for 200+ guests and financially for the future Bride and Groom. I want to send a HUGE thanks to everybody who came, everyone who helped with the planning and execution of the party, the bridal party, our band, and of course, the bride and groom. You guys all made this day a very special one, and your hard work and dedication did not go unnoticed. Thank you.

Now it's bedtime, bitches. Good night.

Posted at 10:10 pm by TheCarter
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Saturday, August 19, 2006
Muthaf**kin Snakes On A Plane!!!

Well, I just saw Snakes On A Plane, and it may very well be the greatest movie ever made. Seriously. It's that damned good.

All right, maybe I went a little too crazy there. It's not the greatest movie ever made, but I honestly can't remember ever having that much fun in a movie theater. This movie will have you cheering, clapping, and laughing your ass off. It's a great movie to talk and crack jokes through, which we did relentlessly. Here's a few of the more memorable observations, critiques, and wacky ideas that my friends and I came up with while watching the film:


  • The "witness for the prosecution" character totally should've been played by Stifler (Seann William Scott) instead of the dopey Nick Lachey lookalike they used. He and Samuel L. Jackson would've made a great on-screen duo.
  • If someone ever decides to make a parody of this movie, it should be called Snakes On An Airplane, and it should be written and directed by the Zucker Brothers, and star Leslie Neilsen. (Get it?)
  • For some bizarre reason Juliana Margulies wears PANTS with her Flight Attendant outfit. Pants??? What the hell is that about? All the other Flight Attendants wear miniskirts. Juliana Margulies is hot and has awesome legs. Why bother even making her a Flight Attendant? The audience was robbed of seeing her sexy gams. Dumb, dumb, dumb!
  • The only thing that could've made this movie any cooler was if the snakes carried a Zombie virus in their venom that turned anyone they bit into flesh-eating zombies. Then you would have Samuel L. Jackson fighting snakes and zombies! Tell me that wouldn't rule the Earth!
  • On that same zombie note, in a sequel you could have Ash (Bruce Campbell) show up on the plane and team-up with Samuel L. Jackson to kick snake and zombie (or even zombie snake) ass!
  • Some of the best body parts bitten by snakes in this film include a woman's breast (a beautiful one at that, too), a guy's penis, a woman's eye socket, and a big black guy's ass. All hilarious.
  • After the movie let out, my friend Bob was campaigning hard for the sequel to be called Snakes On A Train. Ten minutes later we were in a Blockbuster video store, and lo and behold, on the shelf was a cheesey straight-to-DVD movie called....yep, I shit you not, Snakes On A Train
If you want to be entertained more than you thought possible, you owe it to yourself to check this flick out. You won't be sorry.

In other news, I got the job at Mass Mutual and I'll be starting sometime next week. It's a temp position that goes until at least the end of the year, so if I work my ass off it'll be a great opportunity for me to get a full time position there. In all honesty, this is probably my last chance to do something right with my life, so I've got to approach it differently. Wish me luck...

Posted at 01:56 am by TheCarter
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boxcar astronaut is the life story of a guy in his early 30's from a sleepy Western Massachusetts community, searching for love, a career, and a reason for being on the Planet.


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